Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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