Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
