just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
