I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
