Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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