woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it glows. i had to have it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
