If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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