I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
