I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
