Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
