we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
