so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
