is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
