this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
