I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
