im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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