Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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