For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
