So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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