So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
