The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can I color on your dick again?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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