JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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