You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
