I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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