I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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