She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn star boner night. come get it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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