I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
