How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
