you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
