I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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