She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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