This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
