I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
