The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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