So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
