drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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