His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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