I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
as a side note pls kill me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
