I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
