I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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