dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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