I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
