I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
