Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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