I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
