Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
