It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
