Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
