In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
