Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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