You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
