Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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