I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think weed is turning my hair brown
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
