What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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