Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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