We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
