last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
