he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
