If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
