I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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