I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
