so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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