He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
