I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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